I finally reached that stage. The stage when I felt that enough was enough, I needed to drop all formality, especially with close friends. Pat comes the harsh reality - too late! They've not only got used to it, but they expect it.
In the past few months, I've learnt that half my burst outs and anger were for the sole reason that I was too formal to actually ask for the things I wanted or needed from loved ones around me. Sometimes (or many a time in my case), I just expected people to know and understand the unsaid.
Well, they obviously weren't mind readers - it all boiled within - ever so often - BOOM!
Don't get me wrong, my list of things never included the likes of materialistic gifts, but more of support, mostly only support of someone being there, someone just giving that extra helping hand and sometimes, just someone's sheer physical presence. Silly me thought these things don't have to be demanded outright!
So I went and took the leap. I demanded. I asked and I thought I would be granted. Well, I should have been! If I can listen to wants so direct at times, that my skin crawls back just that little bit! Well, not that extreme perhaps, but that familiar moment when a friend just says something so outright, that it goes down your system much much after you already said yes.
Yes, I also wanted to hear that yes. I expected the same reception that I give. Was I mistaken. It struck me then; put the formal and quiet and independent face on for too long and then you've lost the power to just, well, be more vocal with them.
It's like a dog you give food to whilst you're eating, wake up at 3am because he does 'chuun chuun' and give in to him chewing on that shoe. Well, he does really seem to like that pair! To tick him off one day is only going to fumble the crap out of him, quite literally in this case.
I am a formal person. I do have people in my life whom I ask for favours and do feel a little awkward asking them for it, no matter how close they are to me. I do, truly, appreciate it when they say yes, no matter how small the favour. However, everyone doesn't fit that bill, some are just Zimbabwean dollars!
Wonder if it's correct to question myself for asking, and accepting that perhaps its too late in the day. Or perhaps I am right and that there is a good reason dog training schools are prospering so much these days.
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device
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